The Articles of Arledge

Freedom Within

2010-11-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

Getting in the groove...

2010-10-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

Well we've been here 3 and a half weeks, and I just now feel like I have the time and energy to sit down and write about what's happening. It has been a whirlwind, but we are finally starting to feel somewhat settled!

The flight here was a piece of cake. We were hoping for the airplane with the cool individual video screens on the backs of the seats, but didn't get it. The kids were disappointed, but it ended up working to our advantage because they slept almost the entire time instead of being distracted by movies. We had a little bit of a stressful moment at the airport in Germany because we didn't know where to go and ended up walking all over the huge airport with tired grumpy kids (and parents) before we finally found our gate... only to discover that it had been moved... and had to walk all the way back. It could have been so much worse.

We were warmly greeted at the Prague airport by Jim, Cindy, and Tomas and brought back to Jim and Cindy's house to spend the first few days. It took us at least a week to get over jet lag.. Eleanor and I had it the worst. We both woke up every night at about 1:00 and couldn't go back to sleep for a few hours. Luckily we had each other for company, so it ended up being kind of a sweet time together in the middle of the night. :) Henry got a stomach bug on the third day and threw up 4 times while we were trying to move into our temporary apartment. It's only the second time he's thrown up in his whole life. It was sad, but the Lord was good to heal him so quickly and protect the rest of us from getting it.

Our temporary apartment was in the same building as our permanent one, but with only one bedroom. We were hoping it would only be a few days, but it ended up being 2 weeks. It was very cramped, but definitely made us thankful for our spacious three bedroom that we're in now! We spent those two weeks really just trying to figure out how life works in Prague. We found the grocery store, the tram and bus stops, the metro, the bank, the park, etc. We are in a great location and can walk to any of those things in less than 10 minutes. We figure out really quickly that Czech children are extremely well behaved and quiet. Even at the park they don't really yell. Our kids stick out like sore thumb because they ARE very loud. Everything is so exciting to them and they just can't contain it! We are really fighting to control the urge to quiet them out of embarrassment instead of just letting them enjoy their surroundings. It's really hard! There are all kinds of cultural norms for children that we are constantly breaking. I think we probably gave Jim and Cindy's neighbor a heart attack when Eleanor and Henry ran outside to greet them in bare feet. If little girls sit on the ground or come outside with no shoes then they will surely become infertile. Oops! They are never bundled up as much as the other kids and are constantly taking off their coats and hats because they are hot. So far I've never seen a Czech kid take off his hat outside. They are loud and crazy and excited on the tram and metro. The other kids just sit quietly in their seat. :) Once, Henry said loudly in the middle of a crowded but silent bus.... "Daddy, did you hear that toot I just did???" At least probably no one understood him. The bottoms of your shoes are considered really gross, so to put your feet on a seat or accidentally touch someone with your shoe (like while crossing your legs if you're sitting across from them) is incredibly rude. So we're trying to teach them to watch where they put their feet and take their shoes off when they go in anyone's house. We also live on the fourth floor with all wood floors, so every time they run and jump it's really loud. We sound like a herd of elephants coming up the stairs, and Henry running with his cowboy boots and horse feels like an earthquake....

All this to say, after a few weeks we really started to feel the stress of all of these expectations we had on our kids and ourselves. We literally had no place to go where we didn't feel stressed out. Even at home we were constantly tense because of the noise. So we just decided to let them be loud. We call Henry "hop a long henry" because he hops everywhere. He can't control it. We like that. We don't want to make our kids hate this place because we immediately expect them to change. So hopefully we aren't making any enemies in the building. So far, so good.

The grocery store is by far the most challenging thing for me so far. I'm actually really happy with what I've been able to find there (although finding it can be tough since everything is written in Czech, obviously). The stressful part is the planning, paying, and carrying it home. Planning is so different than what I'm used to. In America, I would shop once a week. I was used to always having a semi full fridge and pantry. I would get kind of panicky when things would start to run out. Here, I have to shop every other day or so. I can only buy what I can carry and lug up four flights of stairs. Everything comes in tiny containers (which is good because it's easier to carry) but it runs out really fast. Pretty much every time I'm out, it's a good idea to run to the store and get a few things. At home, I would be wasting a trip to the store to just buy one or two things. Here, I'm wasting a trip out if I don't pick up a few things. So the planning is different. I plan for maybe 2 days meals... sometimes just one. It's kind of nice in some ways because I don't like planning for a whole week, and then a lot of times something will change with our schedule and food will be wasted... we don't waste anything around here! And they really don't have any convenience food. Hardly anything pre packaged or frozen. I know it's healthier, but it's you know... not as convenient... when I don't feel like going to the store or cooking. I am pretty lazy. I don't like to have to work... I like to work when I feel like it. God has been showing me that lately. And also reminding me that He will help me... and He has been.

The paying is just plain stressful. It's super crowded. There are no baggers. You bring your own bags and try your best to shove everything in them as fast as you can before she finishes scanning.... that's REALLY hard! Because she doesn't wait. Everyone stares while I fumble around with money I don't quite understand, and as soon as I pay she starts scanning the next person's items... even if mine are still there! There are tricks, and I am learning them (Cindy has been so helpful!)... but some days I just do everything wrong. Usually when the kids are with me I get distracted and forget all of the rules. The kids like the grocery store because they get a balloon, sucker, and a piece of candy from the check out lady almost every time.

I can't believe I wrote that much about the grocery store. :/

We really like our team. When we first me the Polish staff, I was worried that they would feel really foreign. But they didn't. Honestly, they felt like old friends. It has been so fun to spend time with them. Ella and Kuba have been married less than a year and are so cute. You can tell they are so in love. :) Ella loves to cook and Kuba is an excellent piano player. They're both super smart... Ella was at the top of her class in college and has a degree to be a Pharmacist. Kuba is really interested in history. Martin and Aneta are about our age and have a 3 year old (Matylda) and a one year old (Kornel). Martin is really funny and outgoing. He has a really amazing story, and actually accepted Christ in college after coming to a viewing of The Jesus Film in his dorm. Aneta is really pretty and fun. She likes to remind me that she is not the typical mom. She doesn't like to cook, and she really wants to be as involved in ministry as she can be. Even though she isn't "typical" I can tell she's a really great mom to Matylda and Kornel.

Jim and Cindy are also really great. It is so easy to see how much they love Czech people. I think their hearts literally break for the lostness around them. They are great encouragers and have really welcomed us with open arms.

Tomas and Jovanka are Czech and have four kids. That is very unusual here... most have one child and a few have two. Tomas works in the administrative side of ministry and Jovanka works with students when she has time. Henry has a little crush on Jovanka and always wants to talk about his guns with her. :)

Here is a picture of our team (minus Aneta, Matylda, and Kornel... they were sick)

that's Jim, Jovanka, Cindy, Ella, Kuba, us, and Martin.

There are several Athletes in Action (part of Campus Crusade for Christ) staff here too. Kelsey plays basketball on a Czech national team, Jenny runs track, Zach coaches football, and Billy who is married with kids teaches at the Sports university. So we have plenty of opportunities to watch sporting events!

Collin has just started to really get a feel for what ministry will look like in the last few days. It looks like the majority of his time on campus will be with the English classes. This semester he will participate with the intent of establishing and building relationships with students. He's been to two classes so far and has already gotten to share his faith and been invited to lunch with a new friend, Daniel. Next semester he will begin teaching a few of the classes (there are 17 every week!) He will also be doing one on one English lessons... the guy that heads the class will be filtering students who seem to be interested in spiritual things and sending them to Collin to meet with individually.

I am hoping to be able to host a girls night at our home... plans are still in the works. I also really feel like part of my ministry here is with other moms. We are at the playground almost every day and I usually see the same few women. The Lord has impressed it on me that they are part of why I am here. I don't know what that means though!

Homeschooling is going pretty well. We officially started on monday. It was a rough day. Eleanor is super smart and loves to learn.... but hates it when she doesn't "get it" right away. Handwriting is that thing that just doesn't come as naturally to her. We both got frustrated and ended up crying. Great first day!! It has gotten better each day. We do handwriting first and get it over with. And we pray before we start that we won't get frustrated!

Well this is super long and there is so much more that I could say. Overall, we are doing well. We know that this is where we are supposed to be, but can't say that we have a clue why. Maybe we never will... who knows! The kids are doing miraculously well. They aren't sad at all. Sorry grandparents!! It's really weird, but they just seem to always be happy to be here. Their attitudes are much better than ours pretty much all of the time. We are so thankful for them. We've had our sad moments (mostly at night) when we miss home and everything familiar, but mostly we feel content here. We're fighting to stay close to Jesus. It has been a fight. We're busy and tired... but this would all be pointless if we didn't walk with Him. So if you pray for us, pray for that. The rest will fall into place.

Love, the Arledge family

the view from our kitchen window (the inner courtyard)

Henry refusing to cooperate

Skype shoot- out with Grampa

Zach's team... the Prague Lions

View from our apartment (a little coffee shop on the corner)

front door of our building

Playground in our neighborhood

An update...finally, after 2 years!

2010-09-04T20:03:00.001-07:00

First of all, it's embarrassing how long it has been since I last blogged... almost two years! One of these days I'll get around to changing those pictures at the top. Or maybe not, because those babies are really cute... even if they look nothing like our big kids now. :)

So things have changed quite a bit in the last two years. More recently in the last 6 months. I'll give the short version right now and if you want the long version you can keep reading. So for those who aren't interested in the details:

In march we decided to move to Zambia, Africa for at least a year (still with Campus Crusade for Christ) to work with an orphanage and do discipleship training for the national staff. Just last week we found out that the team would not be going. A few days later we decided to move to Prague, Czech Republic instead! So we're leaving either the last week in September or October 1st.

Now for those of you who want the story:

God began this process of leading us overseas about a year and a half ago. We had always talked about being "willing" to go anywhere if we felt called by God. But slowly we began feeling ourselves growing more and more attached to Lubbock... and less and less willing to even listen to what God wanted us to do. I'm not saying it's bad to be attached to our family, our friends, our home, our church, our ministry, etc. But I was beginning to love those things so much that I was not even willing to consider that God might have a different plan. And God started bringing that reality to the surface... the reality that I was no longer willing. That I had taken hold of my life and declared it mine. For several months I wrestled with God about that. And I didn't tell Collin because I was afraid of what would happen! And I should have been afraid, because when I finally did tell him, he told me that he had been doing the same thing.

So we started to talk about it together and sought some council from good friends and family. We knew that God was doing something in our hearts, but we didn't know the specifics. We decided the next step would be to take the Perspectives course. So a few months later we signed up and began a 15 week journey into God's heart for the lost. I can't even begin to put into words what a difference that class made in our perspective of God and his purpose for us. After 15 weeks we really started to believe that God wanted us to be "goers". We just didn't know where or when.

We started looking into different locations with our regional leadership, but nothing really seemed right for some reason. It's hard to put it into words, but as we prayed, we just didn't sense a green light from God about those places. So several more months pass and we begin listening to a sermon series by David Platt. This time we took a journey into God's heart for the poor. And what we found changed our lives. We couldn't believe how much of the Bible we had skipped over or misinterpreted through our American lenses. We are rich. And God has a lot to say about the poor, money, and the rich. So, for several more months we wrestled with God about what that meant for our lives. What did it look like to fully surrender our money to Him? Where had we been disobedient in caring for the poor? In the middle of those questions, we came across the opportunity to go to Zambia. As usual, right when we learn something new, God brought us an opportunity to put our knowledge into practice... to make it more than just something we talk about.

As we prayed about Zambia, we sensed that "green light" that we didn't get when we prayed about the other places. But it took a lot more than that for me to actually commit to going. I am an overprotective, worried, controlling Mama... and taking our two babies to Africa did not sound like an adventure. There is malaria, and cholera, and crime... and there are no American hospitals or water without nasty parasites or car seats. No Grama or Grampa, Grammy or Grandaddy, cousins, friends, or anyone we know. This wrestling match was ugly. There were lots of tears. And there was tenderness from my Father, who reminded me over and over and over and over that He loves me... that He loves Eleanor and Henry more than I do. That not a hair falls from their head without Him knowing... without Him allowing it. And that He is good. No matter what happens to us or to them... He is good. Bad things happen in the U.S. all the time. He is good. Bad things could happen there. He is good. He is the giver of peace and comfort and joy even when my circumstances are crazy. And we are living for so much more than this life. In march, we committed to leaving for Zambia in September... and we were excited! God did a mighty work in my heart to get me to that point and I credit it to no one and nothing but Him. I can really say with confidence that a miracle took place in my living room the day that I said yes to moving to Africa. Nothing is impossible with God. :)

So we finished up our semester at Texas Tech, had a massive garage sale, packed up our stuff, rented out our house, said goodbye to our amazing friends and church, and moved out in July. We had to raise $25,000 and God provided. He always does. Not more, not less, but just exactly what we needed. We got our shots. It cost a fortune, but was not traumatic. Another miracle! Usually when Eleanor gets a shot she likes to recreate scenes from the exorcist... this time she kept the freak out to a minimum. First time ever. See, God loves Eleanor. In so many ways I saw God calming her anxious heart. She has never been thrilled with the idea of moving to Africa. She likes it here. She doesn't know if she will like it there, so she would rather stay. I can't blame her. She was worried that she wouldn't have any friends. So we prayed that God would give her a friend. I asked her if she believed that He would.... she said yes, but she really wanted to see her friend's face. That night I found the blog of a missionary in Lusaka, the city we would be living. She had a daughter Eleanor's age. I emailed her, she responded, and in the morning Eleanor saw a picture of her new friend, Greyson. He loves her.

Now the story goes haywire. Our team starts dropping like flies. What was originally three guys, three girl, and our family becomes two guys, one girl, and us.... and they are behind on the deadlines for raising their money. At one of our trainings in Colorado at the end of July we learn that if the rest of the team doesn't make it, they will not send us alone. We had never even considered the possibility of that happening. So we went back to my parents house in Houston having no idea what would happen. So we waited... and waited.... and waited. We didn't hear anything for weeks. I had a few breakdowns, but mostly we still had peace. Another miracle! August 12, we headed to Chicago for Stint briefing still having no clue what would happen. We met our team and spent a week worshiping with almost 400 people being sent ALL over the world for the next year. We loved our team and just dove into developing relationships and planning. Rachel and Dave had raised almost all of their support, and it was really amazing how quickly it had come in after being so far behind. So we had a lot of hope and really believed and prayed that God would provide for Mike, who was at about 50%. At the briefing we learned that if Mike wasn't able to go, then the rest of the team would not go because the dynamic (our family, a single guy, and a single girl) of our team would not be healthy. We left Chicago really pleading with God that He would provide for Mike if He wanted our team in Zambia. It was not a matter of how much work Mike put into support raising. He was doing his part... it was completely up to God. And all we could do was wait.

The waiting has been the hardest part of this whole process. And I think in a lot of ways it has been the most important part of this process. We can get ourselves so convinced that what God cares about it the result... what we do, where we go, etc. But what He cares the most about is who we are.... how are we handling the process. He has taught me so much about handling uncertainty. My natural response is to try and figure it out myself. I am the queen of internet research. But google will never tell me if we are going to go to Zambia. Believe me, I tried. He has taught me to come to Him exactly as I am. If I'm feeling stressed out or sad or scared... He reminds me to tell Him about it. I don't have to try and change my emotions because I am not supposed to feel that way. He's in charge of that. I can simply come to Him exactly as I am... and boldly ask Him for peace. And you know what? He gives it freely. It has been the craziest thing to actually experience true peace from the Lord simply because I ask for it. I don't think I've ever experienced it like I have in these past weeks. It makes me run to Him. Because nothing else makes me feel better. When I'm freaking out over rabies shots and malaria and feeling like the worst. mother. ever. for not even telling her kids that we might not be going to Africa... He is the only one that brings relief. All I have to do is ask. Crazy.

In the last few months we've also gotten a lot more intentional about listening when we pray. I know it sounds silly, but most of the time when I pray I do all of the talking. It's hard for me to listen. I wasn't sure how to listen or what to listen for. The next week one of our supporters gave us a DVD series, and one of them was specifically about listening to God. So we started really listening. And what we heard surprised us. It was two and a half weeks before we were supposed to leave, and the day before we were supposed to re-evaluate the deadlines based on where Mike was with his support. We heard that we were not supposed to go to Zambia. Really, Collin heard that we were not supposed to go to Zambia. I woke up in the middle of the night with a VERY anxious spirit and a sudden realization that I had missed the deadline to get the rabies shot series. Remember me... controlling, overbearing, anything health related freak? I don't do that. It was weird. And I certainly don't wake up at two in the morning suddenly remembering dates and thinking coherently. That morning we decide that we have to call it off no matter where Mike is with his support. We were so nervous. We prayed so hard before the phone call... that God would not allow us to say anything that we were not supposed to say, and that Larry, the guy in charge, would be in total agreement. We told him the story. Larry said he also woke up at two in the morning with an overwhelming sense that the team was not supposed to go. And Mike was still at 50%.

We had absolutely no clue what that meant for our family. We had no other options in mind. None. So we took the weekend to just relax and enjoy our family without thinking. I know that sounds weird, but it's what we needed. Then on Monday we started praying and talking with people in our region about our next steps. We were praying and listening... trying to figure out what God wanted us to do. We got a list of about a million (more like 10, but it felt like a million) countries that were options. Lots of them had been ruled out because of Visa issues. In many countries the only way you can get a visa is if you are a student, and we had missed the chance to apply for a visa because school had already started. We still felt like we had no clue. When we were told about Prague, it was literally in a breathe... mixed in with other countries and possibilities. We didn't give it a second thought. You're going to know what a geographical idiot I am when I tell you this, but I had no idea where it even was. Our options really boiled down to the Ivory Coast, Costa Rica, and Berlin. We kept praying about those and never heard anything from God. Then on tuesday morning we woke up to an email from the national director of the Czech Republic.... asking us about Prague. He reminded us of Acts 16 where Paul is redirected by the Holy Spirit:

And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. ⁷And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. ⁸So, passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas. ⁹And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, "Come over to Macedonia and help us." ¹⁰And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.

We set up a time to talk to he and his wife that day, and they told us about the great need in Prague. They said that they had been praying for many years for a team to labor with them in one of the least religious countries in the entire world. A team was just beginning to form with Jim, his wife Cindy, four Polish staff, and two stinters arriving in January. And they really felt like we were the missing pieces. Here is a summary from Wikipedia about the religious climate in the Czech Republic:

Religion

Top religious affiliations in the Czech Republic, census 1991–2001^[43]
	number	%	number	%	change
	1991		2001		change
Roman Catholic Church	4,021,385	39.0	2,740,780	26.8	−31.8%
Evangelical Church of Czech Brethren	203,996	2.0	117,212	1.1	−42.5%
Czechoslovak Hussite Church	178,036	1.7	99,103	1.0	−44.3%
no religion	4,112,864	39.9	6,039,991	59.0	+46.9%
not identified	1,665,617	16.2	901,981	8.8	−45.8%
total population	10,302,215	100.0	10,230,060	100.0	−0.7%

The Czech Republic, along with Estonia, has one of the least religious populations in the world. Historically, the Czech people have been characterised as "tolerant and even indifferent towards religion".^[44] According to the 2001 census, 59% of the country is agnostic, atheist ornon-believer, 26.8% is Roman Catholic and 2.5% is Protestant.^[45] According to the census, the fastest growing belief system during the intercensal period between 1991 and 2001 was that of those with no religion, which increased by 19.1 percent. Christianity showed negative growth, especially the Roman Catholic Church which lost more than 1 million of its members in 10 years. The largest population increase was No-religion which increased by nearly 2 million people.

It would be a completely different ministry than what we had planned for Zambia. Completely. Because there are so few believers, our ministry will be almost entirely focused on non believers. So far there has not been much response to the Gospel. Students generally give little to no thought about God, and don't believe that He exists. The ground is hard, and we will be doing a lot of sowing with probably very little reaping. But the best way that I can describe that conversation and the way that we felt the following days is complete joy. God had answered our prayer for direction. And He confirmed it mightily by the joy and peace and excitement that we felt in our hearts. So the next day, after much prayer and lots of silence, just listening, we said "yes" to going to Prague. We don't know why God decided to bring us down the crazy path that He did. But we do know that He cares about this process. It wasn't an accident. And we are thankful for it. We know that Prague will have its share of difficulties, and we aren't naively excited thinking that it will be a great vacation. But for now we are celebrating what the Lord has done. We are thankful that He answers prayer. We are confident that He is leading us. And where he leads we will joyfully follow...

And we did tell the kids. For a while we considered just letting them believe that the Czech Republic was Africa.... they would never know the difference. They are very excited about the snow and the trains. Henry calls it Frog. :)

Eleanor the Theologian

2008-12-02T12:25:00.000-08:00

I had another profound conversation with Eleanor today. I thought it was really cute. Last week, out of the blue, she asked “if Jesus is in our hearts, who is in Jesus’ heart?” I thought that was such a profound question! Collin told her that God was in Jesus’ heart. She was satisfied with that answer and didn’t bring it up again until today. We were driving home from Walmart and she just again randomly started this conversation:

Eleanor: Who is in God’s heart?

Me: Um…I’m not sure.

Eleanor: I think Jesus. Is Jesus in my heart?

Me: Well, someday when you’re a little older and can understand who Jesus is and what he has done for you, I hope you will ask him to come into your heart.

Eleanor: Yes! Maybe we should start building a door.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will eat with him, and he with me. “ Revelation 3:20

Tagged by Jenny

2008-11-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

So I'm supposed to list 7 random things about myself that few people know because I was tagged by my friend Jenny. So here goes!

1. I love the smell of stinky baby feet. You may think that baby feet can't smell that bad...you would be wrong. Henry's cute little New Balance shoes smell worse than his Daddy's after a day of running around in them with no socks. For some reason I love to grab those hot, sweaty, stinky feet, put my nose right on them and take a big wiff. I know, I'm weird. I really do love it.

2. I am obsessed with scrapbook paper. I don't actually use it for scrapbooking, but I just love to look at it. Something about finding such unique, pretty designs on paper and then just staring at it...it makes me happy. It makes me so happy that I have tons of scrapbook paper framed on my walls. Someday I will take some pictures of it, because it actually looks really pretty.

3. I hate collar bones. Collin can send me into a panicked convulsion just by talking about grabbing my collar bone. For some reason it just seems so fragile...and gross. I'm cringing right now. I also hate adam's apples. I'm glad I don't have one.

4. My last semester of college I interned with the FBI. I would tell you about it, but I would have to kill you.

5. I have this weird habit of "typing" everything (and I mean everything) that I hear with my fingers as I'm listening...and sometimes even as I'm just thinking. I catch myself doing it all the time...I don't actually put my hands out like on an imaginary keyboard or anything. But I do use the right fingers for the right letters...and even space. I'm so embarrassed right now.

6. I can burp really loud. I've learned to have better manners since marrying Collin. It grosses him out.

7. I love to draw. I got pretty good at it and even gave several of my drawings away as gifts. I haven't done it in years, but want to pick it back up. I would really love to take an art class.

I'm tagging Shannon, Mindy, Laci, Ashley, Erin, and Kirby!

Imitation is the sincerest form of...are they mocking us??

2008-10-31T20:06:00.001-07:00

I don't know whether to be flattered or frightened by the fact that students actually dressed up as us for Halloween.

Sorority girl and Frat boy. The official uniform...Ugg boots, Nike shorts, plain white v-neck t-shirt, NorthFace jacket, pearl earrings...you'll see a few hundred exact replicas on any given day walking around campus. I kind of think it's cute.
Eleanor and Ginger at Greek Treat

It was a fun day, complete with wild dancing and candy induced stomach aches. Happy Halloween!!

Flying High

2008-10-29T20:05:00.000-07:00

Please don't call CPS.

A Big Question

2008-10-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to ask Eleanor (purely hypothetical) what she thought about us having more children. I was really just curious, because she does have an opinion about just about anything I ask her. The conversation went like this:

Me: Eleanor, do you think Mommy and Daddy should have any more babies?

Eleanor: Yes! We should go to the hospital right now and look at the babies in the window!

Me: Well, not like that. I mean, do you want to have another baby in the family...like instead of it being just you, Henry, me, and Daddy...it would be you, Henry, me, Daddy, and another baby....all of the time.

Eleanor: I think we should have another baby in the family. I like babies.

Me: Well, it wouldn't always be a baby. It would grow up, just like Henry and you.

Eleanor: I want one of those that just always stays a baby.

Me: They don't make those.

Eleanor: I don't want another baby.

Me: Why?

Eleanor: It might grow big.

For Grampa.

2008-10-23T08:20:00.001-07:00

Jumping off the fireplace

"But, I just don't want to go to bed!!!"

Welcome to the Dark Side

2008-10-17T10:09:00.001-07:00

After all of the sweet innocent stories that I tell about Eleanor, I feel like it's time for a different kind of story. This one did not make me smile or ponder spiritual things. Only now, a day later, am I somewhat amused by how ridiculously awful she was yesterday. Eleanor is a passionate girl. She loves passionately and rebels furiously. She is the definition of a strong willed child. She's a feisty one! You'll get the idea....

Eleanor: Mommy, can I have macaroni and cheese for lunch?

Me: I'm sorry, I don't have time to make that today. Would you like peanut butter and jelly?

Eleanor: (After a massive rolling around on the floor screaming tantrum) No...you WILL make me macaroni and cheese.

Me: Excuse me? I think you need to go to your room.

Eleanor: (Loudly, and looking straight into my eyes) NO, MAMA! I will NOT go to my room. And you will NOT spank me!!!!!

I drug her into her room and closed the door so that I could calm down before going in to talk to her. She screamed like a possessed child for the next 15 minutes while I called Collin and told him he was going to have to spank her because I was too mad. After a while I realized the ridiculousness of the situation and managed to get a hold of myself and go in to talk to her. She then proceeded to try to THROW TOYS at me!!!!!! (Where did my sweet girl go?) I left again, pulled myself together,then came back, gave her a good spanking and sent her to bed without any lunch at all. (I told her she could have a sandwich when she woke up from her nap). She was not happy about it, but took a good nap and woke up a much nicer girl.

I am afraid for the teenage years. Seriously.

Weekend in Pictures

2008-10-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Eleanor and Reid (She loved loved loved holding her baby cousin)Beautiful Aunt Renae

Uncle Ryan and Reid cheering on the Cowboys

It was a WET weekend!

Henry & Eleanor got to play outside in the rain today. I took tons of cute pictures of Eleanor but she is only wearing panties and rain boots so unfortunately they are not blog appropriate! Henry got into the sand!

Possibly my favorite picture of Henry :)

Blue Man

2008-10-10T06:54:00.001-07:00

Henry has always been a breath holder. His serious cries consist of one long exhale and then breathless silence. His face turns blue, I shake him and yell at him to breath....then he finally takes a breath. Well as of two days ago, he has taken it to a new level. Now he holds his breath until he passes out. He's done it 3 times in the last 2 days. Don't worry, the doctor has assured me that it is not dangerous and is actually somewhat common. It sure looks scary though...why do I have such dramatic children????

Here's an article about breath holding if you are still concerned

http://www.drgreene.com/21_557.html

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

2008-10-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

Eleanor is always saying profound things, and I really believe that God uses that little girl to teach me huge lessons! Lately, Eleanor has been praying for me. It started one day when I was in a really bad mood...and let's just say I wasn't on my best behavior. Eleanor, sitting behind me in her carseat said:
"Mommy, you need to settle down! You need to stop being mean to me and Henry and Daddy. And I am going to pray for you." She then proceeded to pray the most sincere, simple, heartfelt prayer for me: "Dear God, Mommy is so so so sorry for acting so mean. Please help her to be nice and stop acting like that. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Of course it immediately melted my heart, and I was much nicer. She has since done that two other times when she just sensed that I was not in a great mood. I've been thinking about how that really is the best thing she could ever do for me. And it's so simple...yet how often do I try so hard to fix someone else's problems instead of simply praying for them. And how little do I ask other people to pray for me, even though that is literally the best and most effective thing someone could do for me. I love that prayer is her natural response to a problem. I want it to be my natural response too.

Fall Fun

2008-10-08T10:35:00.001-07:00

I have been really bad (as usual) about blogging...and even worse about taking pictures of all of the fun things we've been doing. We have been enjoying Lubbock's great weather lately by going to the park a million times, visiting the corn maze, and having frequent picnics on the trampoline.

Eleanor and Henry are at such a fun stage...the park is a blast because they both think it is so FUN and can actually do everything pretty much by themselves. Henry has taken after his sister and has no fear when it comes to the slide (or anything else for that matter).

Henry is talking up a storm! His favorite words are "no" and "why?" He seems too little to be asking why, but he asks it about a hundred times a day...almost always after I tell him to do or not to do something. Eleanor has been sleeping much better lately. I asked her what kind of songs Jesus sings to her, and she said she doesn't know the words but they are night time songs and sound nice.

Collin's brother, Ryan and his wife Renae and baby Reid are coming to visit us this weekend. Eleanor is soooo excited and asks me over and over when they are going to get here. Hopefully we'll get some cute cousin pictures. I'll try to do a better job of taking pictures of the fun things we have planned this week...Tamale Fest, the bonfire, and the homecoming parade!! I found a super cute Texas Tech cheerleading uniform for Eleanor so I'll try to get some pictures of her in that!

He sings to me...

2008-09-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

Eleanor has been having the hardest time sleeping lately. She is scared, sad, and lonely. Usually we're pretty strict with all things bedtime, but this time she isn't meaning to be disobedient...she's just really upset. Tonight I let her sleep on a little pallet on our bedroom floor. Our conversation before she went to sleep went pretty much exaclty like this:

Me: Do you ever talk to Jesus?

Eleanor: Yes, I do.

Me: What do you say?

Eleanor: I ask him to help me not be scared, stuff like that.

Me: Does he talk back to you?

Eleanor: Yes, he does.

Me: What does he say?

Eleanor: He sings to me.

Thank you Carla for pointing out Zephaniah 3:17

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."

Wow.

So Cute...

2008-08-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

I walked into the living room the other morning to find my poor sick babies cuddling under a blanket together watching Sesame Street. They did it all by themselves....so cute!

Artist??

2008-08-20T14:23:00.001-07:00

We just might have an artist on our hands. The other day Eleanor and I were doing some art. I usually just make something and let her copy me if she wants...but she does everything all by herself. Mine was just a regular smiley face with normal eye brows. She got creative...although completely by accident. :)

In related news, Henry had his first painting experience. He wasn't too sure about it. See for yourself...

Haircut and a Princess Dress

2008-08-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

Little Brother

2008-08-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

Henry has officially assumed the position of "little brother". He lives to bother Eleanor. His favorite and most effective tecnnique is to take whatever toy she is playing with (usually a baby doll) and run away as fast as he can with it. He pretty much does it all day long. He thinks it is funny...she does not. Typical little brother. :)

He was running away with her baby bed!

Now with her baby blanket.

Now her bear.

You get the idea. As I type this I can hear Eleanor screaming because Henry just ran away with her purse. Never a dull moment in the Arledge household.

We're Home!

2008-07-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

We made it home...it has been bittersweet. It is good to be home, but we miss Santa Cruz and all of our new friends already. Many have asked for more specific details, so I thought I'd give a quick overview of the summer.

History
In 1989, the city of Santa Cruz was struck by a disastrous earthquake, shaking the population both physically and spiritually. Immediately after, support began flowing into the city from across the nation. Among the relief groups was Reverend Billy Graham. As Graham surveyed the devastation, a local police officer began speaking to him about how the city needed more than their physical needs met; it was in desperate need for the spiritual light of Christ to transform the place. Using the power of prayer, the Reverend began asking God that someone would answer the needs of Santa Cruz. The next summer, Campus Crusade arrived with a
group of college students, ready to share the joy they had found in Christ. Now, for over 17 years, our team of students and staff continue the healing process that
has changed thousands of lives for the glory of Christ.

Outreach

Picture a group of 70 people, decked out in cardboard armor with pizza box shields and tiki torches (unlit, of course), charging towards each other and doing battle on the beach. Now imagine three minutes later, armor torn off, weapons
cast aside, and an all-out dodgeball game commencing. Yes, this was our first beach outreach. As you can see, it was a little intense.

After attracting a curious crowd, students would break off into pairs and initiate conversations with those gathered. Every week we have a different type of outreach--whether it be a theme party, or most recently, a huge game of tug o’ war on the sand. After the first half of the summer there were 10 known new believers, with many more exposures to the gospel and indications of receptiveness. Each outreach has been a huge success, especially in terms of the personal growth that students are experiencing. Challenged to take the initiative, students strive to make an impact daily, allowing Christ into every part of their lives.

On the Job
Whether it’s at the Giant Dipper rollercoaster or Marini’s Candies, students are developing friendships and forming relationships with their co-workers on the Santa Cruz Boardwalk to share the love of Christ in Word and deed. By investing 30-40 hours a week students often come home to the Pan with guests for dinner, ready to introduce their new friends to the rest of the family.

Personal Discipleship

One of the biggest things we do on summer project is give each student a lot of quality one on one discipleship and training. Each week we have a group training session with topics like walking in the Spirit, sharing your faith, leading a small group, how to follow up with a new believer, how to spiritually de-code your campus, etc. During personal discipleship times with the staff they get real hands on help with developing their personal relationship with God, sharing their faith and actually writing out and presenting their personal testimony. Each students leaves Santa Cruz with a personal Discipleship Plan. I think this is so huge! As staff, we sit down and write out their observed strengths, observed things that need to be developed, long term goals (vision for their life) and short term/semester goals. For many students, this was the first time they had ever been encouraged this way. It was so great to see their confidence and self awareness grow before our eyes.

The Challenge

After 6 weeks all of the staff packed up our stuff and headed home. The students, however, are only half way finished. As a staff team we prayerfully chose the leadership from among the students to take over every one of our responsibilities. They are completely on their own now. Now is the time when they will be stretched the most...forcing them to rely soley on God. Apparently the project is the most amazing after the staff leave, as the students take ownership and form true unity. From the looks of all the facebook pictures and stories, things are going great! There is so much more to tell, so many stories, and so many amazing things that God is doing. We'll include more of that in our next newsletter.

70s vs 80s Theme Party

2008-06-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

One of the guys in Collin's action group. That is his real hair...seriously

I have no good pictures of Eleanor due to the fact that she never stopped dancing. This was her first exposure to the craziness on the dance floor that I am always talking about. All night she just kept whispering..."this is crazy." She picked up some cool new moves and has been showing them off at completely inappropriate times ever since. :)

Finally...

2008-06-21T03:17:00.000-07:00

The Peter Pan Motel...our home for the summer. It's actually really cute...decorated with christmas lights and lots of pretty flowers. We all eat dinner together every night in the courtyard.

Ok, so I am officially the worst blogger ever. We’ve been here for 4 whole weeks, and I’ve only given one update. Sorry! I’ll try to make up for it. We are having an absolute blast here. Time has flown by and we aren’t even close to being ready to come home! Santa Cruz is beautiful, and we are just a few blocks from downtown and the beach. Eleanor and Henry loooove the beach…Eleanor likes the water, and Henry likes to eat sand and chase the birds. He literally eats hand fulls of sand. It makes for some pretty interesting diaper changes later.

But the best part is definitely the 50 college students here with us. They have come ready to grow and get out of their comfort zones. It has been so neat to watch their lives and attitudes change before my eyes. It’s almost scary how eager they are to learn...they’re like little sponges absorbing everything I say. I got a chance to give a talk on marriage during a girls’ night. I got to tell them a lot of the things that I wish someone would have told me when I was their age. Mainly that our husbands were never meant to satisfy our deepest needs, and that we aren’t free to enjoy them until we find our satisfaction in Christ first. I think a lot (if not all) college girls have the idea that the loneliness and insecurity they feel will completely go away once they get married. So they just try and wait it out…finding some way to cope with those feelings until then. When in reality, God gives us those feelings of loneliness and insecurity to point us to Him. Marriage won’t fill a void that can only be satisfied by God. So then they get married and are bitter and disappointed with their husband because he’s not meeting that need…simply because they don’t realize that he was never meant to…he’s not even capable of it. There’s so much freedom and hope in knowing that!

Anyway, I’ve had a blast getting to know these girls and am so thankful that 3 of them are from Tech! Eleanor is obsessed…and I mean obsessed….with college girls. She hangs out in their rooms, writes them little notes, and just pretty much acts like she’s one of the girls. It’s so cute…and makes my job a lot easier because they take great care of her! Henry is of course a huge hit with all of the students…he prefers the boys though. It’s so funny how he already knows he’s a boy.

Our days (and nights) are really busy. The training is so good…I feel like I am getting so much out of it even though it’s meant for students. So many of them came not ever having shared their faith…so they got training on that and got to use it for the first time last Sunday. We had a big crazy outreach on the beach and then they all split up in pairs to do some evangelism. Four people believed that day! We have some great tools, including soularium and a short film (with a portable DVD player). It has been so encouraging to see these students overcome their fears and see great things happen. Even just experiencing for the first time a real sorrow for the lost. That’s huge! Tonight we’re having a big theme party/dinner. They have all invited their co-workers, so it should be fun!

The Boardwalk...where most of the students work...and Eleanor's favorite playground! :)

Sea Lions everywhere!!!

So cute in their uniforms. :)

The action group that I am attempting to co-lead.

Part of our crazy outreach...can you tell which one is Collin??

Eleanor helping paint some armor

Staff trip to San Fransisco

We Made It!!

2008-05-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

Well, we've been in Santa Cruz a week already so I thought it was about time to give an update. The drive was looong, but went much better than I expected it to (aside from the blizzard in Flagstaff, Arizona!) Eleanor and Henry were champs...we couldn't have asked for better passengers. The students aren't here yet, so the staff have been living it up in a three story beach house for the past week while we get the hotel ready and have all of the planning meetings. It's been so fun to live with 16 other people...and we already saw a couple of whales and a seal! For some reason I can't upload any pictures, so that will have to wait.

Today we moved into the hotel where we will be living for the rest of the summer. The students come on monday. It's nothing fancy by all means, but it definitely works. The staff has worked super hard to get it ready....cleaning, planting flowers, etc. It's in a pretty bad part of town with a lot of homeless people and apparently quite a bit of gang activity. We've been advised not to wear red (the rival gang's color) and we have a very strict curfew. Santa Cruz is even crazier than I expected it to be. It really feels like a foreign country. I honestly don't even know how to describe it. I will have to think some more about that, but my first impression is that I really like it. It's so entertaining just to sit and watch the people go by. You never know what you might see...

I think the project is going to be amazing. I love that we aren't doing everything the "safe" way. I can't imagine if I had been exposed to something like this in college...it would have changed my life, I am sure. I will have two girls that I will be discipling, and I am co-leading an "action group"...kind of like a bible study/small group. Honestly, I'm not quite sure what to expect...I'll let you know! I am thrilled for Eleanor and Henry to be exposed to something like this. We are becoming more flexible by the minute as we maneuver sleeping situations and adjust our schedule to college life. Henry is crying at the moment. :) We'll do our best to keep you updated. We have internet access, but it's a little unpredictable!

Late Night Fiasco

2008-05-22T00:18:00.001-07:00

It's two o' clock in the morning, but I had to write this down so I wouldn't forget. We just had the biggest scare with Eleanor that ended up being funny. Or maybe it was that we were so relieved we were able to laugh. She was crying hysterically a little while ago and Collin got out of bed to find her huddled in a corner in the living room. She never leaves her room in the middle of the night, so this was very strange. He brought her into our bed, everyone got settled, and a few minutes later we heard the dreaded gag. She promptly started to throw up all over our bed. We're leaving for Santa Cruz early tomorrow morning, so of course this is not good timing at all. But the worst part was that it was bright red and looked just like blood. I was freaking out...she hadn't had anything red to eat or drink all day...and it just kept coming, the same bright red all over the place. It was so red that it was staining her skin. I was crying and putting on my clothes to take her to the emergency room. Collin kept saying that he didn't think it was blood...it smelled like something but he couldn't put his finger on it. And there was pepperoni in it. She hadn't eaten pepperoni. It was the weirdest thing ever. Finally, Collin looked in the refrigerator and put the pieces together. She had gotten out of bed, found some pepperonis, eaten a few and left a trail of them in the bottom of the refrigerator, and then.....drank an ENTIRE bottle of strawberry syrup (the kind you put in milk to make strawberry milk)!!! So we asked her...did you drink the strawberry syrup? She just nodded her head yes. I asked if it tasted yucky...she said, no it was good. So there you have it. She's not dying, just overdosed on syrup.

Joyland

2008-05-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

My parents came to visit this weekend, and we all took a trip to Joyland....Lubbock's very own amusement park. We took Eleanor last year, and she literally had the time of her life. This year was even better because Grandma and Grampa were there. She was so brave...riding all by herself on a lot of the rides. Henry wasn't too sure what to think of the whole experience. He mainly just wanted to eat whatever he could find on the ground and roll around in the dirt. I'm pretty sure he's a little boy, but sometimes I think he might be a monkey. We are busy trying to get ready to leave for California. We leave next thursday for our six week stay in Santa Cruz for our summer project. We'll be staying in a hotel with 60 college students from all over the country...please pray for us. :) No, we really do love college students and are super excited about spending our summer in close quarters with them. I know Eleanor and Henry will never be without someone to play with. Here are some pictures from joyland..

looking at the toys...he managed to get one of the workers to give him a free toy

Eleanor and my mom riding the roller coaster after Eleanor convinced her to ride it, saying "it's very loud, and very fast, and very scary...but if you don't like it, you can get off when it stops."

I just like this picture.

2008-05-07T18:24:00.001-07:00

Eleanor's 3rd Birthday!

2008-04-29T17:52:00.000-07:00

Eleanor had a great 3rd birthday. In some ways it feels like these three years have flown by, but it also feels like we have always had her. She is our little "free spirit" ...constantly amazing us with her creativity and challenging us with her strong will. She has about 8 imaginary friends that surround her at all times. She talks to them non- stop, takes great care of her baby dolls, plays dress up, colors on the walls, tells jokes, jumps on the trampoline, sings songs, "reads" books, and just really does her own thing. The wicked witch from the wizard of oz eats dinner with us every night (a little disturbing, I know, but she seems to think she is nice). She says she wants to sing and dance like Annie someday and even hopes that she will turn into an oger when she grows up like princess Fiona from shrek. When I told her that she wasn't going to turn into an oger she got really upset. I can't imagine how boring and incomplete our lives would be without her. We love you Eleanor April!

Helping make her birthday cake

Birthday Lunch Can you tell Henry likes to eat?

Birthday dinner...she wanted pizza

She wanted to eat her cake in her new playhouse that Grandma and Grampa got her

Feeding Henry

Stealing cake

He got caught!

Tech Cru Picnic and Spring Banquet

2008-04-27T18:53:00.000-07:00

We had a busy weekend wrapping up all of our Cru stuff for the semester. Thursday we had a picnic/game night at the park. Henry was all boy, going for the frisbees and balls...he is having so much fun now that he is finally mobile! Eleanor is really getting to know a lot of our students and had fun flying a kite with some of them. Then saturday night we had our Spring banquet, which is a time to honor and say goodbye to our seniors. It is definitely a bittersweet time. As usual I was highly entertained by the craziness on the dance floor. Last week we got to have someone from the regional office come to Lubbock and help with some team development. All of the staff (there are 9 of us) got to do some serious testing (Myer's Briggs, FIRO-B, workplace values and strengths, spiritual gifts, etc.) It was so fun and interesting to discover new things about ourselves and the people on our team. Collin and I found out that we are pretty opposite on just about everything but our values. It helped to explain a lot of our communication problems! :) Collin has a couple of weeks left of staff meetings (evaluating this year and planning for next year), then we get a little break before we're off to Santa Cruz, California for six weeks! We are super excited, although I am a bit nervous about the logistics of staying in a hotel for six weeks with two kids. I'm sure it will be an adventure! Here are a few pictures:

There are 3 babies on our staff team that are all about 2 months apart...it's really fun to see them grow up together! I am waiting on some super cute pictures of Henry kissing little Claire on the mouth...although I have to admit it was a little disturbing to see how eager they both were! :)

Collin and the guys that he disciples
My girls

Our good friends that are leaving staff to go to seminary. It is sad to see them go.
A few of the students
This picture makes me laugh

Henry's First Hair Cut

2008-04-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

Easter Pictures

2008-04-07T21:42:00.001-07:00

My Baby is One.

2008-03-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

I can't believe Henry is a year old. I can't believe that little 6 pound baby has gained 20 pounds in one year! :)

He is such a sweet, fun, silly baby....thankfully the colicky days are a blur! He is learning to walk...he can do it until he realizes what he's doing, gets scared and sits down! I think he loves Eleanor the most. He already wants to do everything she does and saves his biggest smiles and best kisses for her. He loved his birthday cake. I was pretty sure he was going to be sick from eating so much of it, but he was fine! Collin's parents came from Burleson to help us celebrate. It's always fun to have Grammy and Grandaddy around. We leave monday to see my parents in Clear Lake. We're really excited to see everyone and have a little bit of a break.

Tech Cru Women's Retreat

2008-03-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

We had our annual women's retreat this weekend at a bed and breakfast in Post, Texas. It was so much fun! There was great worship, teaching, and of course lots of crazy dancing. I love to see girls have such uninhibited fun together. They are crazy! I can't wait until Eleanor is old enough to come and experience it too. Probably next year. It was almost completely student led, and they did an amazing job. I got to come home to a little surprise birthday party too...it was a good weekend!

A Day at the Park

2008-03-03T07:07:00.000-08:00

We have a great park in our neighborhood that we walk to pretty often. It's fun to see Henry be able to enjoy it now too! He's getting too big. He took his first steps a few days ago....I'll post pictures of that as soon as I take some!

I can't stop.

2008-01-24T19:06:00.000-08:00

Eleanor wanted to wear the top from her halloween costume instead of her jacket today. And a princess dress....

More pictures....

2008-01-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

Today....

I love my new camera!!

2008-01-22T18:07:00.001-08:00

My parents were incredibly generous (as usual) and bought us a really good camera. I am officially hooked. This is the first day and Eleanor has already started saying "That's enough Mommy". I think it's pay back for all the times I refused to let my mom take my picture. Sorry Mom.

So this was my day...

Where to begin?? 2007.

2008-01-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

I decided to give a quick re-cap of the last year. It has definitely been the hardest time of our life, but it has changed us for the better. This is my perspective because I'm the one writing it!

I feel like we rolled into Lubbock last August with a black cloud around our U-Haul. As most of you know, pregnancy is not very fun for me. I pretty much stay sick the entire nine months. Example: I spent the morning of our move to Lubbock in the emergency room in Burleson because I had been throwing up blood. Woohoo! I had a rough time transitioning to a new job and new city. I was too sick to do much of anything. I felt like a horrible mom, disconnected from the ministry, and my head was just too cloudy to think of anything other than "I'm sick". I couldn't climb out of the funk that my body was in. I would hear of people who were able to draw close to God in their sickness, and I just could not understand. I started to feel like God had abandoned me. Theologically, I knew that he loved me...but my heart couldn't feel it. I tried to read my Bible. I tried to pray. Nothing....silence. At one point I actually told Collin that I thought God hated me. And I meant it. I feel so silly even saying that now, because my head is clear and I can see in retrospect that He was present all along....but in that moment I really felt that way. We found out at about 5 months that I had a complete placenta previa...basically my placenta was in the wrong place and I could start bleeding uncontrollably at any moment. I couldn't travel more than a few minutes away from the hospital, I was on partial bed rest, and Henry was in danger of being born too early. In the mean time our family was enduring one catastrophe after another. After a while we dreaded being asked the question "how are you doing?" It was always something! I wanted so badly to feel close to God. I begged Him to please just show me his face...show me his love...still silence. We all got the flu and I ended up in the hospital for two weeks. The doctors decided to take Henry a month early because my placenta had begun to rupture. I lost a lot of blood and had to have two blood transfusions (one before and after delivery). On March 13, 2007 we finally got to meet Henry Dallas. He was strikingly beautiful.

I had no idea how much this little boy was going to rock my world! He was a healthy 6 pounds 9 ounces and no complications that we knew of. He pretty much slept the first 3 weeks away. He was a very mellow baby...obviously...he was always sleeping! Eleanor of course got sick right when we brought Henry home and had a really high fever for quite a few days. So when he got a little fussy one night I decided to take his temperature and sure enough it was 100 degrees. So I took him to the emergency room thinking that he probably had the same virus. Anytime a newborn has a fever they have to do a series of tests to rule out anything serious, so they did x-rays, a spinal tap, blood work, etc, and immediately put him on antibiotics just in case. They said that we would have to spend the night until the results came back. By the time we checked into our room Henry had taken a serious turn for the worse. He was having trouble breathing and crying uncontrollably. They hooked him up to a million machines...all of which were alarming because his stats were so off the charts. He was breathing so fast, wasn't getting enough oxygen, and his heart rate was well over 200. I was alone because Collin was home with Eleanor, and the nurses hooked Henry up, handed him over to me, and left the room. As I sat on the edge of the bed awkwardly holding my screaming, beeping, wired baby, I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I have never felt more alone in my entire life. After a few days it was confirmed that Henry had Group B Strep. The doctor said that if we had waited even until morning to take Henry to the emergency room that there is a good chance he could have died. We ended up staying 11 long days.

We happened to be there during Easter. I don't think that this was a coincidence. Because suddenly, as I was holding, worrying, clinging so tightly, so desperately to my baby boy....I remembered. God chose for his son to die....for me. I felt it. I got a glimpse into the magnitude of the emotion behind that decision. And in that horrific moment...I felt more loved than I have ever felt before.

That was just the beginning.

After we brought Henry home from the hospital he was a totally different baby. His breathing was constantly labored and he cried....all the time. I took him to the doctor over and over. We went to just about every specialist we could think of. He had tests and more tests. No answers. I couldn't stop worrying and researching. Everyone had said that it was a good thing I followed my instincts or Henry could have died. I knew perfectly well that it wasn't my instincts that I was following, but I couldn't shake this since of responsibility that I felt. If I hadn't taken him, he would have died....if I don't figure out what's wrong with him, he's going to die. So I never let him out of my sight. He slept not just in our bed, but in my arms for six months. I couldn't even think about sleeping unless I could feel him breathing. Everyone told me to just trust God with him, but I knew what that really meant and I wasn't ready to go there. Finally, six months and $14,000 later...I knew that I had to let go, because I just couldn't live paralyzed in fear anymore. I trusted God. I trusted that if God did decide to let Henry die, it would not be because of anything I did or didn't do. I trusted two things....that God is sovereign, and He is good. In those two things I found peace.

I learned a few other things in the midst of those first six months. Like I said...Henry cried. His favorite time to cry was between midnight and five in the morning. I understand why they have support groups for parents of babies with colic. It does something to your brain. Extended, severe sleep deprivation is also a scary thing. Morning is still morning with a two year old...even when you've been up all night with a screaming baby. We were exhausted 24/7. I went to the doctor because I was having all kinds of strange things going on with my body, and he said that I was on the verge of a nervous break down. I was totally out of control with my emotions and my behavior. It was really scary. Collin and I were fighting like crazy, and I was really being a horrible mom. Even when I had a chance to sleep my brain wouldn't let me. I was burdened with so much guilt. I was wounding my precious Eleanor with my out of control words. Eleanor speaks truth to me. I know it sounds funny, but my two year old literally has spoken truth into my life on countless occasions. One day as I was crying and angry she crawled up onto my bed and said "Mommy, pray." So I began the practice of immediately confessing when I was not loving toward her, asking for her forgiveness, and then praying with her. It was amazing to feel that weight of guilt being lifted as I immediately brought it out into the light and then let go of it. One day in the car I was in the middle of praying after I had been really mean to her...I was crying and she interrupted me and said "Mommy, Jesus wants to hold you." What? She said it again..."Jesus wants to hold you." Where does she get this stuff?

Those six months pushed me to a point of absolute dependency on the Spirit just to make it through the day. I began to learn the art of spiritual breathing...immediately confessing my sins (exhaling) and then being filled with the Spirit (inhaling). If I didn't have the power of the Spirit of God living in me, there is no doubt in my mind that I would be one of those people that I said I could never be. I would hurt my kids. Wow, it's hard to even say that. Never have I been more thankful for the amazing, transforming, miraculous power of Christ. Without Christ, I would have no hope. And in my hopeless despair I would be that woman at the mall that I used to scoff at, saying "How could she do that? I would NEVER treat my kids that way." Our sin is deep....deeper than we realize until we are pushed to our limits...but Christ is victory.

At about six months, Henry turned a corner and turned into a happy boy. I'm convinced that God made him so stinking cute to make up for all of the trouble he was going to cause us!

Collin and I have been attending Family Coaching for the past few months, and it has been really great for our marriage. It's totally free (childcare and everything) christian, one on one counseling for as long as you need it. Amazing. We are learning a ton, but I'll save that for a future post!

-Meredith